Christian Mingle: God’s Hookup for You
Christian Mingle: God’s Hookup for You ◊
By Mark Jaye ◊
Online matchmaking is nothing new. Dating and matchmaking websites abound these days. But only one data-driven matchmaker, Christian Mingle, has been audacious enough to officially invoke both the name and will of God.
I can’t be the only one jeering as I listen to Christian Mingle’s most recent ad campaign: “Find God’s Match for You.”
I laughed when I first saw the ad on a national news broadcast. I was working out at my local gym, thirty minutes into a sixty-minute treadmill workout when the ad came on. The combination of Christian Mingle’s presumptuous “God’s match for you” slogan, and another thirty minutes of treadmill mindlessness, apparently combined for a bizarre, goofball cocktail of internal self dialogue.
“So, what if God’s match results in divorce?
Is that then God’s divorce too?”
I first scoffed. “God’s match?” “So, what if God’s match results in divorce? Is that then God’s divorce too?” An obvious question if you ask me.
If I could have just left it at, “God’s match – God’s divorce,” it would have been simple. But no, “God’s match” walks the line of arrogance so much, that I had to continue. Besides, I still had twenty-nine minutes and thirty seconds left on the treadmill.
“God’s match for you; God’s divorce for you” – the unofficial slogan after the slogan. That’s if your Christian Mingle marriage ended in divorce – which undoubtedly – some have.
Then there’s this clunky slogan; “God’s match that never resulted in marriage because of God’s obvious lack of foresight due to a shitlist longer than my arm of undesirable behavior once you really got to know God’s match for you.” I like this slogan for some reason. Of course, we’ll never see this used by Christian Mingle, because, not only is it long and clunky, it’s also too honest. Honest in the sense, that while online matchmaking may result in fewer breakups, mismatches do still occur. When those mismatches are discovered early on, hopefully at least one of the two, from God’s hooked-up couple, runs for the hills.
Now for the “pièce de résistance” — or as I like to call it — the Christian-Mingle-treadmill-cocktail-of-delight, slogan after the slogan: “Christian Mingle, God’s match for you, that when it does work, totally pisses-off the rest of us, married-the-old-school-way, couples of the world, because we somehow missed out on God’s blessed hand in our marital fate.” I like this slogan too for some reason. It’s truthful. God didn’t help me, and as a result, I jacked-up my own marriage. It’s my own personal Christian Mingle unofficial slogan after the slogan, slogan.
Yes, I feel dirty for my thoughts, but it’s a healthy dirty.
Oh, Christian Mingle, blessed art thou, for you have caused me to mock, criticize, and think ill of society’s most sacred institution. Yes, I feel dirty for my thoughts, but it’s a healthy dirty. My workout is done.
On a final note: Christian Mingle’s website upon logging out (and yes, I did register with Christian Mingle for research purposes) leaves you with a parting scripture from the Bible. After all, what good would a God-approved matchmaking site be without referencing the holy scriptures? No good – that’s how good. And so, Christian Mingle leaves you with this verse: “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” -Psalms 37:4
And what good would leaving you with potentially false hopes do, without also allowing my mind to wander in the weeds one last time, and counter with my own verse from the holy scriptures: “Now behold, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes…” -Genesis 19:8
If I was single and looking for love, I’m not sure which verse of holy scripture I would find more enticing, and ultimately, close the sale.
SOURCE: Huffington Post